I'd start with the simple...but what fun would that be?
My Christmas plans are a little up in the air right now. I'd originally intended to start early at my mother's to open gifts with the kids. They're still young enough that they want to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and start pulling wrapping paper apart to get to their goodies. I envy the joy it gives them receiving gifts. It's been entirely too long since I enjoyed getting a gift.
Next we were supposed to head over to Aly's house for Christmas morning with her parents...except apparently they want it to be a family only thing and I somehow don't qualify for that. I'm not so much offended, I understand that they want to spend time alone with their daughter, as I am surprised. There seems to be two types of things with them...things I am absolutely required to be there for and things I'm not allowed to be there for. I like being invited places, I'm not as big of a fan of being required to be in places or banned from being in places. It's not a big deal. Aly's family is fantastic. I love being around them. They're just really good people and they've always been very kind to me. This just wasn't how I expected Christmas to be.
So from the looks of it I'll drop her home after my mother's and I'll head over to my father's for a bit. Then I'll end up doing dinner with either my mother or father and meet up with Alyssa later at night to exchange gifts. Of course that could all change. Quite a bit, quite quickly.
Don't you love the holidays?
Last night we went to see the new David O. Russel film The Fighter. I like David O. Russel, I like Christian Bale, I like Mark Wahlberg, I like Amy Adams. I liked the movie. Got it?
Wahlberg was really good for the most part, although he did have several Mark Wahlberg moments. You know the ones. Where no matter what character he's playing, no matter how great his performance is, no matter what the context of the scene all of a sudden he's just Mark Wahlberg again. It's like he forgot where he was and what he was doing. A line comes out of his mouth, not in the same accent or character that he's been in for the better part of the last hour, without any conviction or nuance. I like to imagine that immediately following the director saying "cut" during these scenes Wahlberg looks around and goes, "What's with all the cameras?" He really is a good actor, and I really enjoy a lot of his work. But every single movie he is in has at least one of these scenes...hell the entire film The Happening was just one big scene like that. I don't blame him. All actors have bad takes. I blame the directors. There's no way they don't see it to.
Christian Bale was great, although sometimes I wonder if his character was a little over the top. Having seen Dicky Eklund on TV before I'm inclined to believe that it was pretty damn accurate. I think Russel included the candid scene with Micky and Dicky during the credits just so people could see how fucking wild Dicky really is. The guy is, and from all accounts always has been, totally fried. He and my mother would get along.
Amy Adams was really good too. She looked great and the scene in which she was getting in bed with Wahlberg was hot. Considering she's a pale bony ass redhead playing a somewhat white trash character she looked like a damn sex goddess in that scene. And she held her own with some overwhelmingly scene stealing characters in the form of Ward's sisters. So good job there too.
I remember watching Ward-Gatti I and just being in absolute awe of these two guys destroying each other in the ring. And then I remember being both stunned and impressed as they did it again twice more in the next year and change. Between May of 2002 and June of 2003 I watched these two guys go at it three times. I'd never seen anything like it. Nobody has three fights like that in a year anymore. Nobody. And anyone that goes to see this movie being a fan of those three fights will enjoy it a little more. Even if it is a little off putting that Wahlberg looks nothing like Ward.
And finally, I've bene listening to a lot of Christian Radio over the past few days. Gearing up for my Antioch Talk. I think I may be on to something. I think it could be really interesting. Really intersting. Like Leviticus level interesting.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Silly Shit
So Thursday night Aly and I went to see a test screening of the new Jim Sturgess/Anne Hathway film One Day. I enjoyed it. I liked it but I didn't love it. I've been fond of Jim Sturgess since Across The Universe and Anne Hathway has great tits...I mean acting chops. Seriously. I like them both. And I liked them both in this movie. And Rafe Spall was pretty damn funny too. That kid's got a future. They asked us to stick around for the smaller focus group, I got a good laugh when I was asked what I thought of Jim Sturgess's character and I replied without hesitation, "He's a prick...but for the life of me I don't know why."
Friday work was pretty shitty, but not horrible. Friday night I shot down to Bayonne for Rita Cummings' wake. She as a nice old lady and she'll be missed. Rita, my Great-Great Aunt Ruthie, and my grandmother formed the Holy Triumvirate of fucked up old women who half-raised me and now that they're all gone I feel a sort of empty spot in fabric of my character. I hadn't seen Rita much, if at all, in the decade since my grandmother passed but the time I spent with the three of them in a haze of cigarette smoke, playing cards and booze will never be forgot.
After the wake I decided to pay a visit to my cousins who had just returned from another semester at USC. It's tough to get them in the same place at the same time for all too long so the fact that they were both at home on a Friday night was a welcome surprise. I'd already bought tickets for Alyssa and I to see the 10:45 show of Black Swan at Garden State. It was almost 8:30. It takes a half hour to get from Bayonne to home, another 15 minutes to get to the theater from Alyssa's house. Figuring we'd have to be there a bit early to get seats I thought it would be prudent to leave Bayonne by 9:30 at the latest so that I could get Alyssa and get to the movie on time. An hour visit should be plenty. Where to start?
It was cold out and I know parking is always tough in Bayonne so I was pleasantly surprised to see several open spots together in front of the park across from my cousins' house. As I pulled into the spots I saw a young woman walking her dog stepping off the curb into one of those spots. This forced me to park past her, a little further down the street. There's a rought looking middle aged man entirely too underdressed for the cold standing on the sidewalk talking to her. He's being very very loud, but not nasty. He's clearly drunk. He keeps asking her if her boyfriend is coming because he doesn't want to get punched in the nose. The girl seems nervous and uncomfortable. Like she's trying to get away. But the guy won't let her. I'm thinking of intervening to make sure the girl is ok. But then I realize I don't have enough information to know if my intervention would be welcomed. So I decide to mind my own business. I'm across the street and stepping on to my cousins' stairs when the guy gets louder. I decide to act like I'm walking back to my car so that I have to pass them again. Just give myself another change to get a better grasp of the situation.
I walk back to my car going directly past the pair. I can tell she's upset, he's somehow got her cell phone now. I decide to say something. I circle around so the girl can see me. She looks relieved to see someone else nearby. I ask if she's ok and she nods. I turn to the man...and realize he's my brother.
I should clarify. Thomas is my half-brother. Same dad, different mom. He's nearly twenty years older than me. I can go years without seeing or hearing from him and not even notice really. I like the guy...but I don't mind that he's never really been a part of my life. Both him and his brother Matty can just be too fucked up to deal with.
I get him away from the girl who heads off in the other direction. It's cold and Thomas is clearly drunk. He's also clearly hurting. His mom just died. The wake I just left was in Chapel A of Bayonne Memorial, Saturday I'd be at his mother's wake in Chapel B. I suggest to Thomas that I give him a ride home so that he could get some rest. He's insisting on walking. He asks what I'm doing there and when I tell him I'm going to visit my Aunt and cousins he decides he'll tag along. This was a very bad idea. So I insist on giving him a ride home. He only lives about 7 blocks away, it took two minutes to drive to his house. It's about 8:45. Still plenty of time to visit and get home. Except Thomas won't get out of the car. He's upset, so we just talk. It starts out as an awkward but good conversation between two brothers who don't know each other all that well...and then it devolves quick. I've heard everything about his mother's death and then he starts in on his entire life. I figure it's cathartic. Just listen. Except when he gets to the part about putting the obituary in the paper, he realizes he doesn't have a newspaper to show me. He insists I take him to the store for a paper. So I do. It's 9:15 now.
We get the paper and I touch base with my cousin to let him know what happened. I drive the two minutes back to Thomas's house. Still plenty of time for a quick quick visit. Except Thomas...won't...stop...talking.
Over the next half hour I hear just about everything you could possibly hear from the man. Some of the stories I hear several times. The phrases "Dad loves the pussy" and "Mickey Rooney's Grandfather" are used entirely too many times for my liking. Alyssa calls several times and I have to tell her I'll call her back. By 9:45 I'm starting to get antsy. I'm not going to have enough time to get home, get Alyssa, and get to the movie nevermind stop by my cousins. I tell Thomas I really have to go. He opens the door...but won't get out of the car.
He spends the next 20 minutes or so half in and half out of the car, never pausing long enough for me to interject, never giving me any indication that he's about to leave. I love the guy...but he's pretty much restarted the conversation without even realizing it and this is now doing neither one of us any good. Finally a a few minutes after ten he walks away from my car, I watch him go up his stairs and I take off. I hear the next day that he was so tanked he couldn't get the key in the door and our other brother had to come let him in the house. Wonderful.
I end up having to meet Alyssa at the theater. We go right in to see Black Swan. It wasn't brilliant, but it was really good. And while I'm a huge Natalie Portman fan (and she did look amazing) she was outdone in the looks department and matched in the acting department by a surprisingly good Mila Kunis. Plus they kiss. And Mila goes down on Natalie. And let's be honest, at that point the movie deserves an Oscar...or ten. Hell I'll even pay for the damn things. Just give those girls an award.
Saturday I go down for the wake for my dad's first wife. It was an odd affair, not because of anything that happened, just because it wasn't somewhere I was prepared to be. I don't ever mention this but my half-brother Matty has three kids. Two daughters and a son. Technically I'm their uncle, not that I've ever been a part of their lives. And no matter how much I encourage my father to get in contact with them he just doesn't seem to have it in him. It's a shame. They seem like real nice people. After the wake I shoot down to visit my cousins. It was good to see them, hopefully I get to spend some more time with them while they're back. I head back up late in the afternoon.
I pick-up the Rookie and we shoot over to Michael's to do some picture frame shopping. The thing about buying people pictures for Christmas is you need to have something to put them in. $225 later I have frames. Of course now I have to spend every waking minute between now and Christmas framing things. Joy.
Saturday night we were supposed to attend several parties but Alyssa wasn't really feeling up to it so we ate pizza and watched House. Good times.
Sunday I had to get some things done and then we had an early Antioch meeting. Alyssa wasn't ready on time of course so we were a bit late getting there, but once we arrived things moved pretty quick and we were out early enough to grab dinner at Sushi X and make it to see Tron in 3D. I have mixed feelings about the new Tron. I loved the original Tron, not because it was a great movie but because I just loved it. I liked the new Tron, but not because it was even a good movie. It was sort of eh. But I still liked it. And holy shit Olivia Wilde looked hot. I mean god damn. Between the short black hair and the skin tight leather Olivia Wilde alone is worth the price of admission.
After the movie we got some more gift wrapping done. Monday I worked late and watched the A-Team while I did payroll. It was ok. Between that and Tron the early 80's nostalgia fire was sufficiently stoked. Headed home and watched some more House after eating dinner. Stayed up to check in on the Lunar Eclipse at several points and then got ready for a meeting this morning.
And here we are...more later. But for now you're all up to date.
Friday work was pretty shitty, but not horrible. Friday night I shot down to Bayonne for Rita Cummings' wake. She as a nice old lady and she'll be missed. Rita, my Great-Great Aunt Ruthie, and my grandmother formed the Holy Triumvirate of fucked up old women who half-raised me and now that they're all gone I feel a sort of empty spot in fabric of my character. I hadn't seen Rita much, if at all, in the decade since my grandmother passed but the time I spent with the three of them in a haze of cigarette smoke, playing cards and booze will never be forgot.
After the wake I decided to pay a visit to my cousins who had just returned from another semester at USC. It's tough to get them in the same place at the same time for all too long so the fact that they were both at home on a Friday night was a welcome surprise. I'd already bought tickets for Alyssa and I to see the 10:45 show of Black Swan at Garden State. It was almost 8:30. It takes a half hour to get from Bayonne to home, another 15 minutes to get to the theater from Alyssa's house. Figuring we'd have to be there a bit early to get seats I thought it would be prudent to leave Bayonne by 9:30 at the latest so that I could get Alyssa and get to the movie on time. An hour visit should be plenty. Where to start?
It was cold out and I know parking is always tough in Bayonne so I was pleasantly surprised to see several open spots together in front of the park across from my cousins' house. As I pulled into the spots I saw a young woman walking her dog stepping off the curb into one of those spots. This forced me to park past her, a little further down the street. There's a rought looking middle aged man entirely too underdressed for the cold standing on the sidewalk talking to her. He's being very very loud, but not nasty. He's clearly drunk. He keeps asking her if her boyfriend is coming because he doesn't want to get punched in the nose. The girl seems nervous and uncomfortable. Like she's trying to get away. But the guy won't let her. I'm thinking of intervening to make sure the girl is ok. But then I realize I don't have enough information to know if my intervention would be welcomed. So I decide to mind my own business. I'm across the street and stepping on to my cousins' stairs when the guy gets louder. I decide to act like I'm walking back to my car so that I have to pass them again. Just give myself another change to get a better grasp of the situation.
I walk back to my car going directly past the pair. I can tell she's upset, he's somehow got her cell phone now. I decide to say something. I circle around so the girl can see me. She looks relieved to see someone else nearby. I ask if she's ok and she nods. I turn to the man...and realize he's my brother.
I should clarify. Thomas is my half-brother. Same dad, different mom. He's nearly twenty years older than me. I can go years without seeing or hearing from him and not even notice really. I like the guy...but I don't mind that he's never really been a part of my life. Both him and his brother Matty can just be too fucked up to deal with.
I get him away from the girl who heads off in the other direction. It's cold and Thomas is clearly drunk. He's also clearly hurting. His mom just died. The wake I just left was in Chapel A of Bayonne Memorial, Saturday I'd be at his mother's wake in Chapel B. I suggest to Thomas that I give him a ride home so that he could get some rest. He's insisting on walking. He asks what I'm doing there and when I tell him I'm going to visit my Aunt and cousins he decides he'll tag along. This was a very bad idea. So I insist on giving him a ride home. He only lives about 7 blocks away, it took two minutes to drive to his house. It's about 8:45. Still plenty of time to visit and get home. Except Thomas won't get out of the car. He's upset, so we just talk. It starts out as an awkward but good conversation between two brothers who don't know each other all that well...and then it devolves quick. I've heard everything about his mother's death and then he starts in on his entire life. I figure it's cathartic. Just listen. Except when he gets to the part about putting the obituary in the paper, he realizes he doesn't have a newspaper to show me. He insists I take him to the store for a paper. So I do. It's 9:15 now.
We get the paper and I touch base with my cousin to let him know what happened. I drive the two minutes back to Thomas's house. Still plenty of time for a quick quick visit. Except Thomas...won't...stop...talking.
Over the next half hour I hear just about everything you could possibly hear from the man. Some of the stories I hear several times. The phrases "Dad loves the pussy" and "Mickey Rooney's Grandfather" are used entirely too many times for my liking. Alyssa calls several times and I have to tell her I'll call her back. By 9:45 I'm starting to get antsy. I'm not going to have enough time to get home, get Alyssa, and get to the movie nevermind stop by my cousins. I tell Thomas I really have to go. He opens the door...but won't get out of the car.
He spends the next 20 minutes or so half in and half out of the car, never pausing long enough for me to interject, never giving me any indication that he's about to leave. I love the guy...but he's pretty much restarted the conversation without even realizing it and this is now doing neither one of us any good. Finally a a few minutes after ten he walks away from my car, I watch him go up his stairs and I take off. I hear the next day that he was so tanked he couldn't get the key in the door and our other brother had to come let him in the house. Wonderful.
I end up having to meet Alyssa at the theater. We go right in to see Black Swan. It wasn't brilliant, but it was really good. And while I'm a huge Natalie Portman fan (and she did look amazing) she was outdone in the looks department and matched in the acting department by a surprisingly good Mila Kunis. Plus they kiss. And Mila goes down on Natalie. And let's be honest, at that point the movie deserves an Oscar...or ten. Hell I'll even pay for the damn things. Just give those girls an award.
Saturday I go down for the wake for my dad's first wife. It was an odd affair, not because of anything that happened, just because it wasn't somewhere I was prepared to be. I don't ever mention this but my half-brother Matty has three kids. Two daughters and a son. Technically I'm their uncle, not that I've ever been a part of their lives. And no matter how much I encourage my father to get in contact with them he just doesn't seem to have it in him. It's a shame. They seem like real nice people. After the wake I shoot down to visit my cousins. It was good to see them, hopefully I get to spend some more time with them while they're back. I head back up late in the afternoon.
I pick-up the Rookie and we shoot over to Michael's to do some picture frame shopping. The thing about buying people pictures for Christmas is you need to have something to put them in. $225 later I have frames. Of course now I have to spend every waking minute between now and Christmas framing things. Joy.
Saturday night we were supposed to attend several parties but Alyssa wasn't really feeling up to it so we ate pizza and watched House. Good times.
Sunday I had to get some things done and then we had an early Antioch meeting. Alyssa wasn't ready on time of course so we were a bit late getting there, but once we arrived things moved pretty quick and we were out early enough to grab dinner at Sushi X and make it to see Tron in 3D. I have mixed feelings about the new Tron. I loved the original Tron, not because it was a great movie but because I just loved it. I liked the new Tron, but not because it was even a good movie. It was sort of eh. But I still liked it. And holy shit Olivia Wilde looked hot. I mean god damn. Between the short black hair and the skin tight leather Olivia Wilde alone is worth the price of admission.
After the movie we got some more gift wrapping done. Monday I worked late and watched the A-Team while I did payroll. It was ok. Between that and Tron the early 80's nostalgia fire was sufficiently stoked. Headed home and watched some more House after eating dinner. Stayed up to check in on the Lunar Eclipse at several points and then got ready for a meeting this morning.
And here we are...more later. But for now you're all up to date.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Exsanguination Station
Oh, the horror. The injustice. The pain.
All my old suits don't fit anymore.
That simple tan jacket I wore to anything formal. The one that went well with both jeans and dress pants? Entirely too large. You could fit two of me in there.
The vintage style grey jacket that I wore with everything from t-shirts to thermals? The one I wore to keep me warm and to look halfway decent? Gigantic. I'm swimming in it.
My old light grey suit that's been too small for years? The pinstripes I wore to a few too many funerals? All too big. The only one that's got a shot at fitting is the green pinstripes...and I think that's a little too funny for a serious party and a couple of wakes.
So I'm going to go suit shopping. Nothing fancy. Nothing that needs tailoring. Straight off the rack and I'll be happy with it. Just something to wear with my blue shirt tonight.
Something that works with a white shirt and maybe jeans tomorrow and Saturday.
Just something neat.
Something neat that fits.
My damn suits are too big for me.
That's a first.
All my old suits don't fit anymore.
That simple tan jacket I wore to anything formal. The one that went well with both jeans and dress pants? Entirely too large. You could fit two of me in there.
The vintage style grey jacket that I wore with everything from t-shirts to thermals? The one I wore to keep me warm and to look halfway decent? Gigantic. I'm swimming in it.
My old light grey suit that's been too small for years? The pinstripes I wore to a few too many funerals? All too big. The only one that's got a shot at fitting is the green pinstripes...and I think that's a little too funny for a serious party and a couple of wakes.
So I'm going to go suit shopping. Nothing fancy. Nothing that needs tailoring. Straight off the rack and I'll be happy with it. Just something to wear with my blue shirt tonight.
Something that works with a white shirt and maybe jeans tomorrow and Saturday.
Just something neat.
Something neat that fits.
My damn suits are too big for me.
That's a first.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Fuck it. Let's Learn To Knit.
I don't think waxing nostalgic about drinking scotch in seedy go-go bars while a cute young Eastern Bloc babe sits on my lap is going to fulfill my daily creativity quota anymore. In fact I'm absolutely certain it won't.
I don't think that complaining about my old man and the way he tries to run this business while slowly going senile or just becoming a grumpier version of himself is going to stoke my artistic fires anymore. In fact I know it won't.
I just can't glide by on the coattails of my midnight epiphanies without really digging deeper for something meaningful or at the very least interesting.
The rules of my world have been rewritten and those rewritten rules require a measure of effort to overcome.
And make no mistake that is what I intend to do.
Overcome.
Overcome the fact that my life has gone from whatever it was before to resembling an actual life. To coming dangerously close to being normal.
Normal.
Ain't that a pip?
And now I have to overcome becoming what I always figured everyone else wanted me to be.
Normal.
I don't think that complaining about my old man and the way he tries to run this business while slowly going senile or just becoming a grumpier version of himself is going to stoke my artistic fires anymore. In fact I know it won't.
I just can't glide by on the coattails of my midnight epiphanies without really digging deeper for something meaningful or at the very least interesting.
The rules of my world have been rewritten and those rewritten rules require a measure of effort to overcome.
And make no mistake that is what I intend to do.
Overcome.
Overcome the fact that my life has gone from whatever it was before to resembling an actual life. To coming dangerously close to being normal.
Normal.
Ain't that a pip?
And now I have to overcome becoming what I always figured everyone else wanted me to be.
Normal.
Monday, December 13, 2010
This Is Sparta
No...I'm not back. And I'm not losing my mind either.
I haven't fallen down the rabbit hole, or taken the red pill, or spanned the void.
I'm just sitting here. At my desk. Trying to find my voice again.
I was thinking not too long ago that I haven't learned anything new in quite awhile. Haven't been trying. I've been complacent, and common place, and combobulated. Fuck you if you think that last one can't be a word. If you can be discombobulated you should be able to be combobulated. If that's not the case someone needs to get on that right away.
I've been busy being engaged yet not planning a wedding (or even engagement party). We're five months in nearly and we're really no further along then we were five months ago. We're coming dangerously close to entering that grey zone where we're still engaged but not really planning on getting married. We were aiming for a very long engagement, but I didn't calculate that Aly is always late on everything. So a long engagement may take even longer than I thought. We're in no rush though.
I've shed a few people. Some people who I really cared about are just no longer around, they pop up now and then and those who need to be dealt with are dealt with and those who are still worth being around are welcomed back with open arms. It's still not a reality I'm entirely comfortable with.
I've lost nearly 130 lbs in the past 8 months. I feel really good and look halfway decent, which is a plus. I've been doing quite a bit of reading and just recently have become hooked on Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan. I'm just short of halfway through and already dread the day I'll be done with it and have no more to read. Then of course I'll have to find something else.
This is what got me started today. I've found a fast friend in Transmetropolitan's protagonist Spider Jerusalem. I love just about everything about the character and I quickly realized it's because he reminds me of my characters. The bits and pieces of me that have been absorbed, digested, shat out, and forgotten about in the past year or so. And I've grown so attached to him so quickly because I miss them.
I don't want to bring them back, but I want to remember them. I want to talk about them. I want to write about them. And so I will hopefully. Right here.
Remember that bit about me not being back?
I lied.
I haven't fallen down the rabbit hole, or taken the red pill, or spanned the void.
I'm just sitting here. At my desk. Trying to find my voice again.
I was thinking not too long ago that I haven't learned anything new in quite awhile. Haven't been trying. I've been complacent, and common place, and combobulated. Fuck you if you think that last one can't be a word. If you can be discombobulated you should be able to be combobulated. If that's not the case someone needs to get on that right away.
I've been busy being engaged yet not planning a wedding (or even engagement party). We're five months in nearly and we're really no further along then we were five months ago. We're coming dangerously close to entering that grey zone where we're still engaged but not really planning on getting married. We were aiming for a very long engagement, but I didn't calculate that Aly is always late on everything. So a long engagement may take even longer than I thought. We're in no rush though.
I've shed a few people. Some people who I really cared about are just no longer around, they pop up now and then and those who need to be dealt with are dealt with and those who are still worth being around are welcomed back with open arms. It's still not a reality I'm entirely comfortable with.
I've lost nearly 130 lbs in the past 8 months. I feel really good and look halfway decent, which is a plus. I've been doing quite a bit of reading and just recently have become hooked on Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan. I'm just short of halfway through and already dread the day I'll be done with it and have no more to read. Then of course I'll have to find something else.
This is what got me started today. I've found a fast friend in Transmetropolitan's protagonist Spider Jerusalem. I love just about everything about the character and I quickly realized it's because he reminds me of my characters. The bits and pieces of me that have been absorbed, digested, shat out, and forgotten about in the past year or so. And I've grown so attached to him so quickly because I miss them.
I don't want to bring them back, but I want to remember them. I want to talk about them. I want to write about them. And so I will hopefully. Right here.
Remember that bit about me not being back?
I lied.
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